Boooooozzzeeee

Ahhhh alcohol the muse of truth. It's unbelievable how much it helps with issues of honesty. In one fell swoop I told my ex that I was very attracted to her physically but didn't feel anything emotionally, called a girl that has been flirting with me for months on whether or not she was truthful or not (still don't really have closure on that), and leveled with a female friend about friendly platitudes about my looks.

I've derided alcohol in the past, but to be quite honest tonight was a great night. I went out to watch some live jazz by myself. The waitress either served me really nicely, and/or was flirting with me (I would rather believe the latter, but I'm a realist, and once the alcohol wears off I"ll believe the former). I talked to random second cup worker who agreed that women are crazy.

I even summoned up the courage to talk to the ex of a girl that I almost slept with, just to tell him that nothing happened because I know that had the positions been reversed I would have wanted to kick my ass (I hope your still following).

Life is funny, and everyonce in awhile I tend to look up/sideways at the creator (not that I believe in a white bearded god) and I mentally say "You've at the least created something interesting". Because he has! This world is nothing if not interesting, at times it may be, as quaintly as I can put it, fucked, but interesting most certianly.

I had wished that Jen was online, so that I could tell her, that despite all the pain, she let me taste true love, and as much as it hurt to lose that, and as many painful questions as it raised, I'm happy to have had it. I wouldn't trade it for the world, I wouldn't trade it for anything ever, because she gave me a reason to hope for future relationships. In recent days my conversations with Jen have been rather harsh, and typically end up with me being a certain shade of jackass...it's hard...I"m pessimistic, and she's nothing but positive about me...which automatically raises the internal question of "Well if I'm so great then why aren't you with me". IN the end it's not about that...we didn't match right now...she has her own shit to deal with...and me being great just showed her that she should be great to, I don't think it's any less stupid, but I can get it, or at least be ok with it at this point.

I told Aurit that she was hot, and that I would have loved to sleep with her, but that I didn't feel anything for her emotionally (I was a little more delicate than the above text admitedly), but I wanted her to have the confidence of being an attracive woman. because she is! I told Regina that I was having issues re-approaching dating, because I had no idea how to readjust my approach, since my ex's all agreed that I was great, and that despite that, they still weren't with me. I told Natasha that I wanted to know if she was all talk, since this is the girl that brought me such memorable quotes as; "I want to get drunk and suck your cock", or "I want to give you a massage while you're on E" etc etc. I simply wanted to know if she was being honest or just being a cocktease...since I'd be all over no strings attached sex, if it was in fact that. I just don't want to be the gropey friend...which I think we can all agree on.

Now I'm going to post this on my blog as is, outside of grammatical errors and spelling errors, lets nobody judge me on it, its' brutally honest, but, it's also brutally honest...heheheheheh. I'm trying to establish mysself as "Honest Lon". AHAHAHAHAHH everyone wish me luck.